


Mary Sue Squared

by mogwai_do



Category: Highlander: The Series
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 19:57:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13643382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mogwai_do/pseuds/mogwai_do
Summary: Mary Sue alert. Utter trash written to cheer up a friend with flu.





	Mary Sue Squared

The pair of them had been sitting there since early evening watching the world go by. Or at least as much of the world as passed through Joe's Bar on a moderately busy Thursday night. Firmly ensconced at a corner table, the two ladies hadn't drunk much really, but they were in high spirits nevertheless. Now it was nearly 10pm and they had reached the opinionated portion of the evening. Having begun with discussions of favourite TV shows they had since moved on and were now assessing the local talent. Specifically, a lanky grad-student type who had been sitting at the bar for almost as long as they had been there themselves. Admittedly, since he'd turned up the rest of the bar's occupants hadn't had a look in, but whose problem was that?

After extensive and detailed observation important conclusions had been reached.

"He's a smart-ass," the first pronounced.

"Yeah, _very_ smart looking it is too," the second smirked. "And he _does_ have a sense of humour."

"OK, I'll give you that, but he knows he's got charm."

"And?"

"He'd be insufferable."

"I could live with that."

"He'd drive you up the wall," the first protested.

"Mmm..." the other murmured, her expression becoming dreamy. "Up against the wall..."

"That's _not_ what I meant."

"Are you sure?" she replied with amusement, having thoroughly enjoyed her little fantasy. "You're only being so negative because you're trying to put me off."

"I am not!" the other protested a touch too strongly.

"Oh right..." she replied, quite astoundingly unconvinced by the innocence the other tried to project. "So you're telling me, if he came over here..."

"As if."

"...and asked you out..." she continued unfazed.

"So likely I'm sure," the sarcasm was thick enough to cut.

"...you'd turn him down," she arched an eyebrow sceptically.

"I didn't say that!"

"Uh huh," she smiled her victory, while her friend tried to cover.

"I mean, if he asked... well, it wouldn't be very polite to just turn him down now would it."

"I'm sure it wouldn't," the tone of her voice was a little too knowing.

"Oh!" the first exclaimed as the door opened, jumping on the distraction. "What about him?"

The new arrival was indeed a contender. Tall, dark and handsome, dressed smartly and catching more than a few eyes as he crossed the room to join the grad-student at the bar.

"Well, he's got a nice bum," the second let herself be diverted, although the scenery was such that she might well have been diverted anyway.

The first gave the newcomer a more careful once over this time. "Mmm, yeah, I suppose," she sounded unconvinced.

"And he's obviously got money," the other encouraged.

"Money isn't everything," came the reply.

The other appeared to consider the man for a while, "True, but I'm sure he's got a bit more going for him than that. I mean, I like the ponytail."

"Nah, I reckon he'd look better with short hair. Besides I've never been keen on the Latino look - you know, dark skin, dark hair, dark eyes."

"Really?" Tall, dark and handsome turned 'round on his barstool to face the room, affording his unseen observers with a better view. "I like his eyes, kind of sweet, you know? Puppy dog eyes," the second commented. "Makes you want to pat him on the head or give him a hug."

The other snorted with amusement, "Not me. Just makes me want to laugh."

"You have no sensitivity."

"Nope," the first cheerfully agreed. "Anyway, look at those clothes - soooo neat. He fancies himself _way_ too much. I'd want to mess him up just to piss him off."

"I suppose - still, you could have fun mussing him," the second agreed with a smile. "What about this one?" she nodded toward the door, which had just opened to admit another customer. They both turned to look.

This one was dressed in biking leathers; bucking the trend he was also fair-haired, strawberry blond to be precise, and somewhat younger-looking than the other two though not by that much. Well-built, he lacked the immediate appeal of the previous two subjects, whom he had just joined.

"Well... he gets points for the leather," the first said.

The second nodded agreement and then gave her own assessment, "Bit too... dunno. Does nothing for me really."

The first looked at her friend, "Me either. Still, he's doing better than most of the bar."

"That's not hard, really," the second commented. "In comparison with tall, pale and charming or tall, dark and handsome though..."

The two friends met each other's eyes, "Naaah," they announced simultaneously.

Further discussions were halted as the microphone came on with a squeal and a grey-haired, though not particularly old, man announced the live set. The music began and for a while the two friends just listened to it without comment, appreciating good music when they heard it. As the first song came to a close they began to talk again.

"What about him?"

"What? Him singing?"

"Yeah."

"Ooo, I dunno. Tough one that." She lapsed into silence while she considered. "Gets points for being a musician, definitely. But... I think he's a bit too old - for me anyway."

"What's that supposed to mean?" the elder demanded.

"Nothing," the younger of the two replied with a look of complete innocence which once again failed to convince.

The elder let it go and returned to the assessment, "I think you're right. The music is definitely a plus, but... 15 years ago he'd have been much more interesting."

"Shame that," the younger agreed and they lapsed into silence again.

The set came to an end, and the two consulted their watches. Not that there was anywhere they had to be, but it was getting late - and sitting in a bar all night wasn't _that_ exciting, even with the unexpected scenery it had afforded. But still, they had enjoyed themselves and it had certainly given them a bit of a break from the stresses of life.

"And so the evening comes to a close, ladies and gentlemen," the younger announced in a bout of silliness and her best Olympics commentator voice. "Can we have the final scores please."

Her friend took the cue, "The gentleman with the guitar: musical ability definitely a bonus, but losing out with the older presentation. Six out of ten."

The first picked up the thread again, "The gentleman in leather: excellent choice of attire, unfortunately lacking in basic appeal. Five out of ten."

"Tall, dark and handsome: puppy dog eyes and a cute butt put him well in the lead, apparent vanity regarding personal appearance detracting from the overall score. Eight out of ten."

"Tall, pale and charming:" the first chimed in with the final analysis. "Nice hands."

"Nice butt," added the second.

"Sexy voice..."

"Gorgeous smile..."

"The nose..." the first began to giggle despite having had virtually no alcohol at all.

"Insufferable," the second acknowledged with a smile.

"But in a charming way," the first admitted with a nod.

The pair met each other's eyes and grinned. "Ten out of ten!" they chorused in unison and then collapsed into giggles.

"And the winner is..." the elder announced loudly while the younger did a quick drum roll on the table.

"Ladies," an amused voice made them look up. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

The elder was too busy choking on her drink, so it was left to the other to reply, which she managed somewhat less than coherently, "Ah, er, no. Absolutely not interrupting anything at all. Really. We weren't doing anything that wasn't interruptable... is that a word? I don't know, is it?" Smiling eyes shone brighter, "Ah, um, I'll shut up now. Oh boy," she finished with a mutter as her friend recovered.

Tall, pale and charming took that as his invitation to a seat and extended his hand to each of them in turn, "Adam Pierson."

There was a moment of silence, then Adam took a last drink of his beer and spoke, "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but overhear your ah..." He didn't say it but the amused expression on his face left the two friends in no doubt whatsoever of what he meant. The younger blushed a quite spectacular shade of red, while her friend took a sudden intense interest in the tabletop. "I must say I'm curious as to what your... criteria were."

The elder of the two now began to blush while the younger managed somehow to get even redder.

Adam's smile was now extremely amused, "I was just wondering what the basis of your conclusion was."

"Um, there wasn't one," the younger said in a small voice.

"But we always prefer to work from an informed opinion," the elder added before the thought of potential embarrassment could put on the brakes.

"Really?" Adam's smile deepened and... shifted in tone. "Well, I'm always willing to _enlighten_ people."

The younger let out a noise that sounded suspiciously like a squeak as the elder fumbled her glass badly.

"This _is_ a serious scientific endeavour after all, isn't it?" Adam's tone was the most peculiar mixture of innocent inquiry and seduction.

The younger squeaked again, while the elder quickly replied, "Yes. Definitely. Very serious."

Adam rose slowly and with a courtly bow gestured towards the door, "In that case ladies, perhaps we should continue this somewhere with fewer distractions - makes it easier to... concentrate."

Two chairs fell over backwards as their occupants each hastened to take up a proffered arm. Comfortably attached, and with no sign of letting go in the near future, the two friends looked up at their acquisition who smiled and nodded towards the exit. "Shall we?"

"Yes," the elder replied firmly.

"Oh yes," the younger added.

And the three of them left the bar.


End file.
